yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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