im drinking this country out of the recession.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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