Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
