I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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