My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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