Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
