An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
