I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
