She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
