in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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