note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
