Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
