Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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