Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
