ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize