So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
