The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Quick, to the slutcave!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
