i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
