I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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