I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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