It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
