Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
