So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
