I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
