One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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