Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
