Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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