just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
