Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
