Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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