I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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