Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
