Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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