I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
