Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
