i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
