4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
