so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize