i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Randomize
