I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
