After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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