Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
