The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
