Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
