i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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