I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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