my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
