im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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