Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
