Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
