we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
