So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
