are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
