so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
