I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I looked at my own cervix.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize