My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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