she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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