So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
