I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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