What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
