I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize