how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
