My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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