fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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