after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
