So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
