No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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