Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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