He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
