I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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