yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
