I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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