i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
