you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
