Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
